Deadpool- A (fake) Interview

The Deadpool movie is almost upon us and is tracking well while the marketing department has done an outstanding job of raising awareness of what to expect from a very different type of superhero film (read about that here).  Now we (don’t) chat to the man himself.

Musings: Deadpool, great to have you here.  You must be excited about your movie coming out soon?

Deadpool: I’m creaming over it, to be honest.  I’m as excited as a fictional character can be.

M: About that, obviously Marvel own the copyright to you…any chance we’ll be in trouble for this made up mock interview?  A mockterview if you will?

D: Well you’re a small site so don’t worry too much.  Be a pretty craptastic move if they did that.  It’s only fun and you have mentioned this is fake and I’m not real and all that, so let’s crack on.

M: Okay then.  How did you begin life?

D: Well these two comic book guys created me, Fabian Nicieza and Rob Liefeld, for an issue of their New Mutants comic.  I first came out in 1991.

M: You came out?

D: Hey, leave the wise-cracking to me ass-face.  I meant the first issue I appeared in came out in 1991.  I was a big, bad ass mo-fo, a supervillain.  Nowadays I’m more of an anithero kinda guy but I owe a lot to those early appearances.

M: What are your powers?  According to the X-Men Origins: Wolverine movie, you can shoot lasers out of your eyes and teleport; is this true?

D: Look, I signed a contract, didn’t read a script properly and got stuck with that joke of a role.  I’m not the first guy to do that.  But if you mention that film again I will eviscerate you with my little finger.  As for my powers, I have super healing and can literally survive having my head ripped off, which has happened.  I’ve also died a few times but it never sticks.  Cos of my healing power I don’t get affected by most drugs or toxins which is shit when trying to get drunk.  Oh and I used to have super-strength but that just disappeared with no explanation from any of the writers.

Deadpool.face_

M: What’s wrong with your skin?

D: I cut myself shaving with a hedge trimmer?  No, that’s…well I had cancer when I got given my powers, so as well as my normal cells regenerating, the cancer cells did too.  That’s why I’m so pretty.

M: You also seem to know about your fictional, comic book status.

D: Well, yeah.  I’m in a comic book or a movie and I just know it.  It’s called breaking the fourth wall.  I’m not the only character who can do it but I’m certainly the best.

M: Are you insane?

D: Hey if talking to yourself and hearing voices and being a bit crazy is insane, then fuck yeah I am.  Or maybe I’m the only sane one here and all of you are insane.  Did you ever think of that?

M: Moving on, would you recommend any comic books featuring your good self?

D: All of them.  I’m fucking awesome.

M: But if someone had a limited amount of time and money and could only afford a handful of comics…

D: Probably the Uncanny X-Force books where I’m part of Wolverine’s assassin squad because of the character growth (I have a heart of gold) and wicked grey costume.  My recent self-titled series is good too- that’s written by these comedians Gerry Duggan and Brian Posehn and is funny as fuck.  In fact it’s as funny as when you see two flies fucking and you film it and then post it online under Professor Xavier’s name.  Only kidding, Prof X is dead.  Probably get better soon.  I wish his bald head well.  Oh and there’s a new comic with me and Spider-Man, that’s not bad, some good dialogue as we’re both known for cracking wise.  Now go buy them while I check my royalty rights.  I need to buy me some Chimichanga.

M: Apart from the comics and the unmentionable movie, where else have you appeared?

D: Couple cameos, not up to Stan Lee standard, in a few of the cartoons like Ultimate Spider-Man and the old X-Men animated series.  I was in the animated film Hulk Vs. Wolverine which was about, well, work that one out yourself.  And some video games, including my own eponymous one which is great.  Buy that one so I can get some chimichanga.

M: What’s your favourite food?

D: Chimichangas!!!

M: Finally, are you pleased that Ryan Reynolds is playing you?

D: Honestly, it’s a mixed bag of emotions for me.  He’s a good looking guy, huge cock, nice teeth so that’s a plus.  But we have a history.

M: You mean X-Men Origins: Wolverine?

D: Fuck you!

Deadpool attempts to eviscerate me with his little finger- interview terminated.

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Deadpool, the movie, will be out in February (10th for UK, 12th for USA)

Disclaimer: This parody interview was purely made for entertainment purposes and no disrespect is meant to the character of Deadpool or to Marvel comics and was used to merely provide a fun alternative way of discovering a little more about the character.

However some disrespect is meant to X-Men Origins: Wolverine.  

 

 

 

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